For lastvoyages: Port Spam for Wonderlanders

[cannibalmind]

[Hannibal hums to himself placidly, a bit of a Mozart concerto, though oddly he can't remember which one right now. There is a smear of blood across his cheek, but it isn't his, so he'll ignore it until it starts to itch and then dab it away daintily with his pocket handkerchief.]

[The Cards tried to capture him as soon as he offboarded. He managed to avoid both capture and getting speared, but he has bruises on his face and body from where they did their best to subdue him. He bolted for the high grass. Two made the mistake of going after him. They chased him for over a mile before he found a spot dense enough that he wouldn't be disturbed. Then, the chase ended.]

[Blood and bits of armor litter the ground as he finishes making experimental sculpture from their remains. One has been turned into a grotesque fairy with butterfly wings made from ribcage and lungs; the other is draped garland-style over a mushroom's cap. Their cheeks are cut free and missing--but the resulting meal was disappointingly bland.]

[He looks up from paring a few last bits off his decorations, hearing someone coming. His eyes glitter and he melts into the underbrush to wait for them. He's not hungry anymore. But the next one to threaten him is going to die a great deal more slowly and poetically than the two Cards.]

Comments

[espanola]

[ The Cat's pretty fond of tall grass, especially when unusual movement's been noticed. When he comes upon the art-formerly-known-as-guards, he appears entirely unphased, inspecting it with his hands tucked behind his back. After a minute he grins and sits down next to the garland, seeming ready to appreciate it for as long as he's allowed to stay. ]

[cannibalmind]

[The artwork blinks back at him. Even for Wonderland this is some seriously weird crap and from their stunned expressions they don't know what the hell happened to them.]

[Hannibal takes notice of the curious local, then shrugs and makes his appearance, hands behind back like a museum curator.]

They wished to capture me in order to serve the Queen's decapitation fetish. Now they are...a work in progress, I'd say.

[espanola]

[ He nods respectfully, or at least with the appearance of respect, still contemplating the surprised guards. ]

She's never full. Always hungry. This will make it worse.

Artful. Interpretive. Inspiration?

[cannibalmind]

I dare say that if she has a hunger for killing she'll find any excuse. [He inspects the gruesome "fairy", who blinks at him unhappily.

I suppose that it is the environment that inspires me.

Scuse me, [the garland interjects weakly] But could you maybe sew us back together? This is terribly uncomfortable.

[Hannibal considers the request.] If I restore you, are you going to try and run me down again?

[The garland shrugs.] Well, of course. It's in our contracts.

[The makeshift fairy wheezes in agreement.]

[espanola]

Ye-es. [ He nods contemplatively. ] It does things to you. Or so I've heard from new arrivals. Everything was done to me long ago, and now I'm a doer.

[ He fixes the ex-cards with a disdainful look and leans over the garland to lecture. ] If you're going to whine, whine more expressively. Wouldn't yyou want dinner and a show if you were him? You ought to gag them. [ This to Hannibal. ]

[cannibalmind]

Yes, several seem to be affected. But I am quite infamous for my mental resilience, so I foresee no problems. [Says the man who decorates with body parts.]

[Hannibal considers his mutilated captives.] I'll put them back together eventually and let them limp home, I suppose. But not until I'm ready to go. I don't care to spend the next day and a half being a fugitive.

[espanola]

[ Guess who sees absolutely no flaws in this logic? This guy. He just grins. ]

You're very magnanimous. Being a fugitive here is difficult, anyway. Someone always gives you something terrible to eat or leads you the opposite of the way you want to go.

[cannibalmind]

Yes indeed. Fortunately our stopovers are limited as far as the number of days we must stay. The irony is that none of us actually represent any threat to the Queen unless provoked...which she has done with great enthusiasm.

I rather wonder if someone will cut off her head before we go?

[espanola]

She enjoys provoking. She enjoys being provoked in return. Most of all she enjoys beheading. I think it's the only joy she gets in life. I think she might get joy in death, that way.

[cannibalmind]

I daresay that someone needs to behead her, and turn her skull into a candy bowl. After sewing her lips shut, of course.

[espanola]

Of course. Otherwise the candy would all fall out when she spoke. Not that she speaks much - mostly in whispers - but it would be too much to risk.

[cannibalmind]

Yes, exactly. [He steps back and peers at his work, fists on hips.]

This is a bit boring. Perhaps I should sew them back together early after all. They won't be much good for telling the others what happened anyway.

[espanola]

They're not - [ He taps at his lips severely, trying to think of the word. ] Linear.

You could sew them up wrong.

[cannibalmind]

[He actually considers it. But then he frowns.]

I don't actually feel the need. I'd rather do something appropriately artistic and horrible to the Queen.

[espanola]

Can I watch? Or help.

[cannibalmind]

I could certainly use help infiltrating the place. I don't expect to actually get out alive, but the purpose of this exercise is just desserts anyway.

[espanola]

What does death mean here, anyway? [ Very philosophical. ]

[cannibalmind]

Very little, I suspect. Even less than on the Barge proper. Death comes for all of us eventually, but it seems terribly inefficient at eradicating the self.

[He considers the garland, then shrugs and starts piecing him back together using his mending kit.] This thing certainly came in handy....

[espanola]

It's a shame. I'm a little curious. [ Ba-dum-tsch, cat joke. ]

[cannibalmind]

I don't recommend trying the whole death thing. It is actually banal and embarrassing.

[espanola]

I'll avoid it at all costs.

Most costs.

Some costs.

Unless you make me into a beautiful garland!

[cannibalmind]

[He considers the kitty, then strokes his chin.] Mmmm...no.

I find the world more interesting with you in it.

[espanola]

[ Another bright laugh. ]

Birds of a feather. Vice versa.

I hope you stay around, you know. Keep this place alive. In a manner of speaking, or not speaking. Gag them [ he nods toward the decor ] at will, with themselves if you must. They never say a thing anyway.

I prefer your kind of noise.