For lastvoyages First Menagerie (video+spam)

[cannibalmind]

 [Have a Hannibal, nicely dressed down in slacks and a tobacco-colored sweater, with his veterinarian's lab coat on over it. He has a young hedgehog in his hands, and Percy, his African Grey Parrot, is in his usual position on his shoulder.]

Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that the Bargewell Veterinary Clinic and Animal Shelter has some new arrivals. Our most recent shelter resident, Miss Marple, has given birth to a litter of six healthy kittens. Now they won't be weaned and ready for at least another eight weeks, but...well. Let's give them a look at the babies, ay Percy?

[The bird fluffs his neck and hops briefly from foot to foot.]  Percy is cuter!

Yes, yes you are, but you already have a home.  [He tucks the hedgie into his breast pocket. The hedgehog peeks out calmly and looks around as if entirely used to such treatment. Then he takes the camera and brings it over to the makeshift nursery he has made in one of the cat enclosures. Miss Marple, all ten fluffy pounds of tabby, peers irritatedly at the camera as she nurses a collection of black and tabby kittens.]

As you can see, they are all doing well, as is Mum. We have two girls, four boys, and they will be ready for gentle visitors within a few weeks. Meanwhile I will be sending out updates on a regular basis. Reservations will be taken at four weeks.

As always, Bargewell is a no-kill shelter, and we need your help to feed and tend to our expanding family. Donations are accepted during business hours. Please call after hours for veterinary emergencies only. Thank you for your time.

[Percy pipes up again.] Bring apples!

[spam for Bargewell Veterinary]
[Truth be told, Hannibal would be open twenty-four hours a day if he had the energy. The animals are better company than most humans, now that he can speak their language. Although at times, it gets to be overwhelming.]

[He wanders through the shelter/boarding aisles, greeting each beast in turn as he feeds them, changes their water and checks the condition of their cages. Everyone has an opinion today. The hedgehogs want more toys, the prissy silver Persian he is boarding is demanding more tuna even though it isn't good to give cats as a staple, and the dogs. Oh Lord, the dogs.]

Lol oops I pooped my crate again....

Hey! Hey! You! Play? Play? C'mon, let us out in the backyard!

When's Mom coming back?

These stitches ITCH! I want to lick them. DAMN YOU CONE OF SHAME, DAMN YOU!

OH MY GOD KIBBLE YOU ARE THE BEST EVER

What the Hell is that thing on your shoulder? Clearly it is unnatural.  I must bark at it!

[He sighs and whistles to get their attention.]

All right, all right you lot, finish your kibble and I'll let you out. 

[The bell on the front door chimes, and he turns to go attend to a potential customer. Sick pets and potential adopters wait for no man.]

Comments

[ukan]

I approve of no-kill shelters, but what is your stance on sterilizing the animals before they're adopted out?

[cannibalmind]

Sterilization, immunization, de-parisitzation and general wellness checks are standard procedure here for verified strays and surrenders. It is better for the health of most animals, and essential to some, such as rats, ferrets and cats. I do not, however, perform declawings.

[Percy bobs his head.] Cats are stupid.

Percy! Don't be rude.

[ukan]

[He smiles at the bird's input, and shakes his head.]

Well, for most animals sterilizing is a good move. What about wild ones? Semi-endangered ones?

[cannibalmind]

Wild and endangered animals need to be an exception. People have no business keeping them confined, and I certainly have no business interfering in their breeding cycles. I have had to restore a few wild ones to their proper habitats, either because someone misguidedly took them in as babies, or because they wandered into town.

I am somewhat on the fence about coy-dogs, however. They are highly self-sufficient but some of them actually seem happier with people.

[ukan]

[That's good to hear. If Lark needs a kennel to hide out in, he wants it to be one where they won't cut off his balls.]

You're a much more liberal vet than we normally see around here. I've had a wolf-looking thing prowling around, if I catch it I'll bring him to you. No reason to let the pound kill him, right?

[cannibalmind]

[Hannibal chuckles.] Yes, well, decades of experience with animals does tend to influence one's thinking about them. [The young hedgehog pops back out of his pocket, steals a pen from his other pocket and disappears with it. He barely raises an eyebrow.]

[Percy warbles in what might be amusement.] Old softie, old softie!

[Hannibal utterly fails to scowl intimidatingly at his bird, and instead quiets him with a bit of apple.]

[His eyebrows rise.] The only wolf native to this region is the American Red Wolf, a critically endangered species. Given the common practices of local Animal Control I wouldn't want them anywhere near him.

[ukan]

[He shouldn't be surprised that a veterinarian is so familiar with Red Wolves. But since that's the form Lark ended up inheriting, and since he gets mistaken for everything from a coyote to a shepherd mix, it's still nice to hear.]

Well, thank you very much, Doctor. Of course I will foot whatever costs he racks up if I do end up bringing him in.

[cannibalmind]

It would be my pleasure. I admit that I have only treated two wolves in my time, but provided one is respectful they are better patients than most cats.

[Percy makes a chuckling sound.]

[ukan]

[Oh, Lark likes this vet.]

Well, cats are really just tiny anarchists.

[he does not like cats.]

[cannibalmind]

Oh indeed.

[He would probably dislike them more if he had to deal with their constant bitching inside of his head....]

[ukan]

[Yeah at that point he'd just have to start eating them. Because that's a totally rational way to deal with things. It's how he deals with thieves, too.]

I'll be in touch, Doctor.